Never Forget

I’m not one to often contemplate the past, whether good or bad. No one knows how much time we each have left, so I do my best to look ahead. This is not to say I don’t reminisce about good times, momentous occasions and celebrations of victory, life and even death. Maybe it’s because woven into the fabric of my memories there are all too many regrets. For as the fondest of remembrances, these too, are moments I’ll never forget.

It’s not just the unwarranted, hurtful words spoken in arrogance or anger that left deep scars, also the silence in situations where even just a smile seeking or giving forgiveness would have meant so much. And after the loss of a loved one, these missed opportunities become a gut wrenching emptiness that gnaws at my soul, and never go away. More moments I’ll never forget.

Because it took years to transform my youthful (and joyful) heart, I can’t pinpoint when or how I got so jaded and became a renegade. Society says we’re supposed to “find” ourselves, some profess at all costs. I don’t know that I know what this even means, or that I’ve found anything that brings me to some level of “zen understanding”, but I do know there were too many years where life got complicated because I stoked that fire. Time when I pushed away people who cared because it meant humbling myself and admit I was wrong. Or wrapped myself in isolation when I should have been there to lift up or cheer on so many. These are times that haunt me, etchings on my mind I’ll never forget.

It’s not easy reminding myself to look forward, to put my time and effort into being a better me. Or coming to terms with the fact I’ll go to my grave with the mistakes and missed opportunities. But I do know that Lord willing, I’ll have many opportunities to be part of situations, hopefully more good than bad, where I can give back to those in need, from which I can learn and grow, and most certainly, never forget.

 

Before It’s Time

Ever have an “oh no” moment, like being away from home and closing the car door and seeing keys hanging in the ignition? It’s embarrassing, maddening, but not that big a deal once the locksmith comes to collect a fee for retrieving the keys w/o having to break the window. Not long ago, I was about to recline on… Continue Reading

Time Away

A panicked cry, a frozen moment, a desperate drive, ending with the pain of loss. It happened so fast, we miss our sweet Yorkie so much. Deep heartbreak, just a few days before a Christmas I now couldn’t wait to be over, so I could get back to a “normal” routine. But a steady stream of… Continue Reading

I’ll Meet You There

To agree to disagree, a staple of society and democracy. To do nothing about the root of these disagreements, however, is irresponsible and unproductive. Given solutions to issues are infrequently built on black and white answers, compromise is often the only silver bullet to resolution. How we’ve gotten to the level of divisiveness that all but takes compromise off… Continue Reading

Reinvent the Wheel

Ever heard or said, “no need to reinvent the wheel”? In concept this makes sense, but in context, perhaps worth a second thought? The wheel enables much, from transporting things that would otherwise be carried to automation with gears, wheels on axels make life easier. Might be a stretch, but if i look at the wheel metaphorically, compared to… Continue Reading

Patron

It’s not often enough I take time to ponder the meaning of a word. To understand its proper use when communicating, perhaps more meaningfully, to contemplate resulting thought patterns. Some differences in definitions for the same word are slight, others noticeably measurable. In the case of the word “patron” (and I’m not talking tequila), one might overtly support the arts or… Continue Reading

Different Things

Who doesn’t feel conflicted, if only now and then? For weeks I’ve been looking up out of a pit, staring at stars painting the night sky, keeping the cries muffled, which only makes them louder. Balancing reality and dreams I’ve put on on the back burner, it’s time to formulate a path from my comfort zone to uncharted territory.… Continue Reading

Lesson | Lessen

Seems the more I live, the more I appreciate simplicity. From art to food to how I approach every day. The first chapter of “On Writing Well” (W. Zinsser) focuses on simplicity, and been resonating within my thought process for a couple of weeks now. Consciously eliminating clutter, whether writing or relaxing, is rewarding. It’s amazing how well… Continue Reading

Fresh Start

It’s time to cook up a new web presence, not because I’m all that motivated… let’s just say “technical difficulties” from aging software is forcing my hand. But hey, it’s a new season, Fall, and a new month, October, so why not! Life is full, so much better than I deserve. We’re well into our 2nd… Continue Reading